Happy Birthday Ben...

I have been thinking a lot lately. About a lot of things really. About life. I have also been reading a lot lately. C.S. Lewis seems to be quickly becoming one of my favourite authors. I think it is so important for us as humans to keep thinking about stuff, no matter what stage of life we may find ourselves in. We need to keep asking questions, keep defining who we are and what we believe and why we believe it. We need to keep changing. I am becoming convinced of this more and more everyday. I look at the world around me, I watch the news, I go to school and I come home and I wonder if there is any good left in this world because somedays it just seems like it's getting worse and worse. The standard of evil just keeps getting pushed more and more. I wonder what the 'norm' will be in 10 years from now. Lord may my light shine. It's so easy to be torn between going with the status quo and choosing to live differently. Somedays I win the battle and somedays I lose. On the days that I lose Lord, may I come on my knees again and ask for courage to live differently tomorrow. It's my battle and no one else can fight it for me. We all have our battles. The ones that we fall prey to. The sin that wages a war against our very souls and our character. This week I sang the words to a song. It's a beautiful song and I pray that these words would become my anthem, the one that stays with me always. I want these to be the words that drive me to let my light shine because this world needs a little light:

My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God: He was, my God; He is
My God is always gonna be

These words are simple but the truth in them is life changing. These are the words that make the difference. These are words of promise. Breathe them in, let them fill you up, speak them, and when you are unsure and uncertain whisper them to the deepest places of yourself and hold tightly to them.

About 4 years ago my older brother Ben died. Tonight I miss him, a lot. Tonight I need to whisper those words. Tomorrow is Ben's birthday. He would have been 23. He's in heaven now and I know he doesn't want to come back but sometimes I wish he could just for one day. I have 2 younger brothers names Greg and Josh. Greg plays the guitar, sings, and writes songs among his many other talents. He recently but a poem to music which he sang for me tonight. These are the words:

Miss Me But Let Me Go

When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little, but not for long,
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me but let me go.

For this is a journey
That we all must take
And each must go alone
It's all part of the master's plan
A step on the road to home

When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And hurry your sorrow in doing deeds
Miss me, but let me go.

It's beautiful. Miss me but let me go. Much easier said than done I assure you. I'm glad that the Lord walks with us through the hurts. Tomorrow is another day to celebrate Ben's life. He is a brother that I was so blessed to know and love and learn from. His legacy seems to live on in my life especially. Ben had cerebral palsy and he was severely disabled. Ben is the reason that I want to work with and love other people who have disabilities. When I talk to and hang out with people who have developmental disabilities I see a part of Ben in them. I see a part of the story of my family in them. I will forever be grateful for the gentle lessons Ben left me. Upon first glance no one would ever know the kind of influence a boy like Ben would ever have on the many people who walked in and out of his life. It's a powerful testament to the grace of God. So there is a good chance that there may be a few tears tomorrow but the tears can't drown out the joy there is in knowing Ben has been set free!

Sleep well my friends
and please never stop thinking and questioning,

The Kindred Spirit