It's now 1:38 am....yes in the morning and here I sit wide eyed on my bed. Why you may ask.....because I took a very long nap today. Clearly my body got confused and thought that my nap was really bed time.....I just kept sleeping because it was one of those sleeps where you just can't wake up....your whole body is in it! And now I sit...awake. It's been an interesting evening really....I actually haven't had one like it in a while. Are you ready to hear what I did......I watched tv and chatted with my best friend....haha! I know you were expecting something more but I haven't had a night where I just sat and watched tv in a while and it was kind of nice. I watched Extreme Home Makeover; it was the season premiere and it was quite good. They do such great work on that show, it gives you a warm feeling inside to see the good that they're doing. So I watched tv and then I went upstairs to get ready for bed about 3 hours ago and found that I was wide awake and then I somehow stumbled upon a movie called "If Only" and I watched it on youtube. It's a good movie but quite sad at the end, it does offer a good message though. So now I sit and look at the clock and wonder what time it will be when I actually do fall asleep? Any guesses?
Well tomorrow begins another week. I'm still on the job hunt and waiting for an interview from a particular organization. I hope that they call this week. It's interesting when you become an adult and enter the workforce. I mean I only know that it's interesting to think about getting a job and joining the workforce because I don't really know if it's interesting when you actually have a job and are in the workforce? If and when I do get a job I'll be sure to let you know how it is!
It's a little unusual when you've spent most of your life in school preparing for this time and even if you didn't always like it you could depend on that predictability. Even if you complained you knew school was there and in the fall that's where you'd be. And then you graduate and then someone asks you what you're doing in the fall and you say that you have absolutely no idea! And after you've repeated that to the many people who ask you, it's hard not to feel a sense of panic somewhere in you. What's worse is when the fall comes and then people ask you what you're doing now and you say "oh I'm just looking for a job". It's normal, most of us have been there....but this morning at church someone asked me that question and I felt somehow less. And by less I mean I'm no longer a student, my education is no longer in progress. I mean I'm a lifelong learner and there's a good possibility that I may go back to school in the future but currently I have completed my program and I'm no longer studying in hopes of finishing. I'm finished. Somehow when you say "oh I'm just looking for a job" out loud it doesn't sound as good as "oh I'm currently studying _____(fill in the blank) in hopes of ________ (fill in the blank)! I know that this is what happens when you're done school, it's a natural process....but it doesn't feel very natural. It's like you've worked so hard to get through school and then you have to try and sell yourself and prove yourself just to land something hopefully in your field. It hardly seems fair. I suppose life isn't fair. The one truth that I somehow can rest in is that I serve a God who is bigger than all of this. He made me, He knows me and He has plans for me and He won't let my gifts go to waste. So I'll do my part and step through the doors that I can and trust God to open and shut them according to His plan and perhaps show me a window or two that I never knew was there.
So perhaps I'll get a call this week.....perhaps something else will come?
If I do get a call....you can be sure a new wave of panic will come.
But it's natural right?!?
It's now 2:05 am and I think I might try sleeping. We'll see how it goes!
~The Kindred Spirit